Step 1: Seek Help
I highly recommend that you seek out professional help and not base your decision on what people may think (or may have done in their own divorce), and to do what’s going to make you a better version of yourself.
Every individual is unique: our life experiences, our family, our friends, all shape who we are as a human being. However, going through a divorce, whether you have children or not, you still share families, friends, and a financial support system together. You still have to share. Most people like to try and minimize that disruption for themselves and everybody else, which is understandable, but try not to do more harm than good and look at the bigger picture.
What becomes challenging is making all those critical decisions while in crisis mode. Crisis mode is what happens when we feel an overwhelming burden of consequences from one decision. Don’t be afraid to seek help (in both deciding if divorce is right for you and/or how to handle the divorce process). Go to a marriage counselor, talk to a financial adviser you trust, seek out those people who aren’t in crisis mode that can objectively look at your situation. The more prepared you are, the better it’s going to be for everybody.
Step 2: Consider Mediation
The two most important things to know about mediation are: 1. Mediation allows the two participants to really control their destiny, how they want things to be worked out, rather than have a judge decide the fate of the children or the fate of the financial assets. It actually puts the power back in the couple’s hands; and 2. Mediation will most likely save you time and money.
Step 3: Seek More Help
Some people choose to suffer through divorce alone. Children can also struggle alone because they see their parents struggling. Parents struggle alone because they don’t want to burden their friends or their children. A lot of times, therapy is helpful because that outside perspective and the confidentiality allows feelings to be expressed.
Conclusion: Take Care of Yourself
I always tell my clients to take care of their personal needs first and foremost. When you’re in that survival mode, you tend to internalize everything. You socially isolate yourself because it’s too much. However, you are still human, you still have basic needs: You need to sleep. You need to eat. You have to take care of yourself and focus on the things you can control.
What sets apart the Koslow Law Firm from other law firms is that I will ALWAYS answer the phone. I am not a therapist, but I will recommend some that can meet your needs. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you are struggling in your relationship.